while we wait

i must confess, waiting is hard!  it is really hard.  it seems like God requires me to wait...a lot!  we were all excited a few weeks ago about the progression of the adoption, and it seems that there is no news to speak of as of lately.  i am trying to maintain some self control and not stalk our agency!!  it is increasingly difficult with each passing day!  i want to know when our girls can come home.  i want to know when i can hold them.  i want to know when i can introduce them to their brothers.  everyone says that this is like a pregnancy; we have to wait and be patient.  but it's not like a pregnancy.  at least with a pregnancy, you have a 'no later than' date.  not so with adoption.  it could be right around the corner, or as some are waiting in haiti and other countries, up to 4 or more years.  the unknown is extremely difficult, no matter what the forecast. 

so during this time of waiting, we reflect on all that God has taught us in the past on waiting.  one thing i know for sure, He has always been faithful during our wait.  He has never forsaken us, or forgotten us.  it reminds me of an article one of our greatest friends gave me a while ago during another hard time of waiting (yeah, i said He does it a lot!!).  i love this perspective as it reminds us that we aren't just waiting "as if in a doctor's office" wasting our time while the doctor isn't there.  we are actively waiting on our Lord's perfect timing.  it gives us an opportunity to worship God for who he is, glorify him in this time, and lean on him and him alone.  it reminds me of how little i can really do, and how much i must rest in Him. 

so i will actively go to the summit this weekend and glean all i can from amazing orphan advocates to prepare for the orphan ministry we are starting at church, thanks to our church!  i will come home filled and refreshed with a new perspective and a rejuvenated view of God's purpose for each and every believer to care for the orphans in some capacity.  i will enjoy the snuggles in bed with my two boys while there is just two of them.  i will prepare a room for our girls and actually use some pink paint!  i will continue packing for our long journey to go get them and bring them home.  i will enjoy the days my youngest 'prepares' breakfast for us while we are instructed to stay out of the kitchen, then eat with joy the feast of cereal he laid out before us, milk and all!  i will even fit in some time with my girlfriends to make some dresses for the girls out of some old curtains and fabric that were given to us for that purpose.  i will embrace my oldest when he writes on the bottom of his handwriting page "i love you mommy so so so much" and whisper to him the same. 

i will choose to actively wait, but it is hard.  may my God grant me the mercy to do it gracefully.